cancer is a bastard.
it suddenly creeps up on you like a puddle of water rolling across the floor that you haven't seen.
Even worse when someone tells you it has spread and is terminal you think "Oh shit! what now?
Not much left"

Suddenly there are alarming thoughts that take over the whole mind.

Legal, Stupid, silly, ridiculous, why me? what next, don't even go there, how the fuck does one type straight, how do you think clearly and so on etc etc